well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
