what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
