Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Randomize
