Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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