Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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