Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
