Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
