I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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