Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
