Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
