He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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