mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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