Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When are your genitals available?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
