Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
