Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
