I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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