for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
