i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
This baby is an asshole
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
