ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
