wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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