kristin has been a bad kristin
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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