It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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