I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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