whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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