I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
