i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
