We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
