I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
