Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
