Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
