In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
