dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
