yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
