I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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