I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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