Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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