Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
