yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
