the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
