A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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