omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
