Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
