Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
