im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
