i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
