who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
