i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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