the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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