Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
