Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
