dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
