I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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