What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
