if you like me you must not know who I am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
