so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
