Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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