Kiss
Puke
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
