i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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