took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
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