I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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