Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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