don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
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If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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