He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You left your phone here
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