Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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