the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
